This one is dedicated to two of my very favorite people in the whole wide world – Kasie Lee and her soon-to-be hubby JB. Don’t worry – I promise none of this dialogue will end up in my matron-of-honor speech. (I also promise that your wedding will be nothing like the below).
LORELAI: I told my mother about me getting married and it was slightly ugly.
LORELAI: Yup, what?
LUKE: Well, there’s nothing like a wedding to screw up a family.
LORELAI: Actually, in my case, there’s nothing like a family to screw up a family.
LUKE: Something that’s supposed to start nice, two people making promises to each other. I’ll love you forever, I wanna die when you die, my life meant nothing until you used my toothbrush. And then it starts.
LORELAI: Well, that’s not exactly. .
LUKE: Who do you invite, who sits where, open bar, yes or no. . .
LUKE: Auntie Junie doesn’t eat chicken, Uncle Momo’s off his meds.
LORELAI: Junie and Momo?
LUKE: Just an example.
LORELAI: Of a retired circus couple?
LUKE: And then after all that planning, the reception will still be a disaster because no matter what you do or how carefully you plan, halfway through one of those nauseating Bette Midler ballads, someone is getting sick, and someone else’s chicken kiev is landing on the cake.
LORELAI: You know, the Gettysburg Address was only one page long, and that was about a war.
LUKE: I just call them like I see them.
LORELAI: I have officially changed my order. I’ll have the ‘Luke’s giving Lorelai a Migraine’ meal.
LUKE: Bleu cheese or ranch?
LUKE: Coming right up.