Right before I went to college, my mom bought me this book – Where’s Mom Now That I Need Her? I think she partially bought it as a joke, but I do believe she thought it would help me out. It covered topics like recipes for easy meals, laundry, first aid and so on. I think all I did was glance through it at the time. As a fully functioning (and pretty typical) eighteen year old, I’m sure I thought that I didn’t need my mommy anymore.
It wasn’t the last time as a fully functioning eighteen year old that I was wrong.
I probably called my mother more than a thousand times from College Station asking her a question about something. Where is this? How do I do this? When do I use cold water in the washing machine? Will you get me one of these the next time you’re out?
This pattern continued into my adulthood. When Jeff and I first got married, she was my constant companion – coming over to help me clean the apartment, driving me back and forth to A&M during finals week so I could study in the car, helping me pick out new towels for my bathroom.
And then when we moved to China, she still was there. Sending me packages, flying out to see us, calling me every night, giving me advice. Why won’t Macy sleep through the night? When will she stop crying so much? Can you send her some six month long sleeve onesies? When should I start giving her cereal? Will you send the cereal?
As I’m sure any mom will tell you, there have been days that I feel like I’m drowning. There are three little sets of eyes looking at me, waiting on me to feed them, to clothe them, to bathe them, to fix their hair. Kate’s been sick for two weeks and needs extra attention in the form of breathing treatments, saline drops, and extra doctor’s appointments. Selah’s figured out how to catapult herself out of bed – meaning all nap time and bedtime routines are off – leaving me baffled at what to do next. Macy’s preschool year is coming to a close and before I know it, she’ll be in kindergarten.
Where is my mom now that I need her?
When you are a child, your parents know everything. Why is the sky blue? How do you spell my name? What is two plus two? When you are an adolescent, your parents know nothing. When you are an adult, your parents know a lot. And when you become a mother, your mother becomes your compass, your guardian angel, your rock. At least, mine did.
I miss my mom.